Dave O - "Well this is a question my mom always asked me. Damn it, I just never liked cooked carrots, especially when they had that damn brown sugar on it. I said Look Mom I don't want these damn stinking carrots!"
Like my friend Dave, I also have never cultivated a taste for cooked carrots. I like raw carrots. I do not like carrot cake. Cake is a dessert, no vegetables should be allowed near it. I sincerely hope there's no such thing as broccoli cake.
Why Don't You Eat Carrots is the first track on Faust's incredible first album. It starts up like a radio with major transmission issues. It's a blizzard of static. Listen closely and you will hear bits of Satisfaction and All You Need Is Love crackle across the power lines and off into the ether. After 1:00, a voice can be heard yelling and then someone begins to play the piano. At 1:30 we are suddenly whisked off to a marching band rehearsal. What time is the big game, folks?
Wrong question. At 2:30 we are surrounded by ghostly authority figures with quivering wrong way voices that say we must show the marching band some respect or leave the gymnasium. OK, we promise. They give us another chance and at 2:55 the marching band resumes playing. "Lovely band," we say.
They play along until 4:10, when a lone trumpet suddenly breaks loose and begins to taunt us. It's joined by a distorted guitar and drums, playing an insane melody. As they play, we are bombarded with screeching, belching, gurgling, howling electronic effects.
We cower against the wall, wondering what nightmare is taking place. All is revealed to us at 4:51:
You see me shoes on your mirror mind
Quick goes the trick
I ask your sick sailing sailors blind
I travel into the tongue
Ready to drop ding dong is handsome top
Oh, yes, that all makes sense. Thank you. How long are you going to subject us to your crazy music and terrifying hound of the baskervilles noises?
Some laughs at 7:30. I get it now, one big joke on Dave and I because we don't eat carrots, is that it? Well, thanks a lot, Faust. A man and woman speak to each other. "I think these young men are ready to eat carrots now, right fellas?"
Sure, we say. "Liars!!" The craziness is back at 7:58. But it's struggling to maintain its form. The piano comes back in briefly, and some sort of ocean liner waits offshore. It all finally comes to an end, and we are left wondering what just happened...and still not eating carrots.
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